Mother’s Day is Coming!

As an estate planning attorney, I have the privilege of supporting moms who are caring for their children. Irrespective of the ages of our children, we care. Ideally, we plan so that we can be a blessing during our lifetime as well as after we are no longer physically here, we have planted values and valuables to build up our heirs’ future. While we are anxious when our children are minors to nominate who will raise them if we are unable, we are also anxious about being able to support our children as they raise their children and our ability to serve as grandchildren. As mothers, the responsibility of caring doesn’t end.

Caring for our mothers is another reality that many adults face. We know that we have a commandment to “honor or mother.” It is not easy to know what to do or how to manage. As your parents age we often see a decline in capacity. There is a challenge between the natural pace of aging and the concerns that aging is advancing in such a way that our loved ones are not able to care for themselves sufficiently. The progression is sometimes slow and the supports that are necessary are introduced in time. However, there are times when an accident or an illness creates a need that is a stark life change. 

The change in ability often results in the change of roles between a parent and the child. Through the services we provide, we come into the family dynamics when the roles are being restructured. Many parents are struggling with the feeling that their child or children are now providing rules that feel as if the parent’s independence is being threatened. Many parents struggle with the “new normal.” There are many older adults who are experiencing depression because of the changes that they are experiencing.

One of the words of advice that we provide as an office is to be proactive in planning. We all want to be able to mandate and plan how we want to live our lives. We don’t have the control that we would like. All adults should have in place the legal authorizations necessary for someone to support us in our incapacity. This would include a power of attorney for financial matters as well as a power of attorney for health care decisions. The ability to name trusted people who understand your values and your goals is an important consideration to have peace of mind. 

The legal challenges that are created with inadequate planning can be quite daunting. Without power of attorney for financial and/or healthcare decision-making, if someone was unable to make decisions for him or herself then a legal guardianship proceeding would be required. Any requirement for the court to be involved with life decisions is challenging and cumbersome. It relies on people who do not have personal relationships to make decisions. That is very intrusive. However, there is no choice when there is no planning. 

Mother’s Day is a reminder to think through relationships that we have and hold dear. It doesn’t matter if the people that we care about are family members through legal or biological relationships or simply related by love. Think about the way in which we can support the health and well-being of your family.   

Take precautionary measures to show your loved ones that you care whether you are the parent or loving your parents.